Ground Rules in Psychotherapy and Everyday Life

by Robert Langs, M.D.

The role and effects of settings and ground rule conditions on both psychotherapy and everyday life stands as one of the most poorly understood and unappreciated aspects of human emotional life. Among the reasons for this uncertainty is the fact that we use our conscious minds for exploring and formulating our ideas about rules, frames and boundaries, and the conscious mind is entirely unreliable in this respect. In fact, it is only with trigger decoding and the development of a full appreciation of our viewpoint on the deep unconscious level of experience that we are able to develop a clear picture of the vast and telling effects of rules, frames, and boundaries on emotional life. It is the deep unconscious mind alone that has a consistent and reliable picture of this aspect of emotional experience.

Another reason for the prevailing confusion is the fact that the conscious system of the human emotion-processing mind is, by virtue of evolved design, inclined toward frame violations despite their ever-present detrimental consequences. The unconscious forces that are responsible for these problems will be discussed below.

The Basic Functions of Rules, Frames, and Boundaries

All human experiences take place in a setting and are framed by boundaries that are both psychological and physical; they also occur according to a set of stated and unstated rules and laws. These contexts and circumstances exert enormous and profound effects on the people involved in a particular situation or event-a circumstance that holds throughout physical and mental nature. Receiving one thousand dollars from a bank teller in exchange for a personal check is very different from taking one thousand dollars from a stranger's wallet without his permission. The first is law abiding, while the second is law breaking.

A given behavior, then, has very different meanings and implications depending on its context and setting, and whether it adheres to or violates existing rules and laws. No behavior can be studied meaningfully in isolation-the prevailing framework must be considered in full. Violating boundaries and breaking rules have very different consequences from respecting boundaries and operating within the law.

All in all, then, rules, frames and boundaries determine the underlying nature of an action or behavior and its consequences. Frame violations tend in the long run to harm those involved in a situation, while adhering to ground rules is basically constructive.

The Basic Ground Rules

Given the inconsistencies of conscious attitudes and understanding (both within and between individuals), you are likely to be surprised to learn that the deep unconscious system of the emotion-processing mind is universally consistent in its attitudes and assessments of ground rule conditions. That is, on the unconscious level as reflected in encoded messages, the human mind asks for and validates, without exception, a single set of sound ground rules. This remarkable consistency has been discovered through countless efforts at trigger decoding the stories that patients communicate in response to their therapists' handling of a ground rule of therapy.

Let's be clear: It is only in the deep unconscious mind that humans express their need for secured frames and uniformly recognize their constructive and healing qualities.

There is a single set of ideal, unconsciously validated ground rules for psychotherapy. Adherence to these rules is unconsciously experienced as health-giving, while departures are seen as harmful. This means that while the conscious mind accepts frame violations and denies the harm they cause, the deep unconscious mind does not-it sees these violations for the harm they cause and prefers secured frames to those that are modified.

The ideal (unconsciously validated, ground rules for psychotherapy are:

1. A set time, place, duration, and frequency for sessions.
   
2. A single, set, fair fee, collected on a monthly basis.
   
3. Total privacy and confidentiality, including the exclusion of third parties from the therapy (e.g., relatives of the patient, insurers, etc.).
   
4. The relative anonymity of the therapist, with no deliberate self-revelations, personal opinions, and the like.
   
5. Managing the ground rules of the therapy toward the establishment and sustenance of these ideal conditions.
   
6. The use of trigger decoded interpretations-and no other verbal interventions.
   
7. The absence of physical contact between patient and therapist.
   
8. Other non-stated ground rules such as appropriate dress for the therapist, a reasonable number of vacation interruptions announced well in advance, and the like.
   

We all are well aware of the extent to which these ideal/health-giving and healing ground rules are violated in today's therapies. But the prevalence of frame violations does not render them best for the patient (or therapist)--here too, nature is nature, and frame violations harm those involved in them. A therapist cannot consciously change unconscious preferences-these ideals prevail unconsciously regardless of the rules or lack of rules advocated by a therapist.

The best we can do is strive for these ideals and avoid unnecessary frame modifications.

These ground rules also have been validated for everyday life situations like family, work, school and such. Thus, families need to provide for individual privacy, confidentiality as needed (e.g., parents should not burden their children with their conflicts with each other), clear physical and psychological boundaries, and such. Much the same applies to the work place or school setting - professionalism must prevail.

The Reasons for Conscious Inclinations Toward Frame Violations

All humans show some tendency to modify or violate ideal frame conditions-to break rules and laws and compromise boundaries. These tendencies have wreaked havoc with human life and its psychotherapies. Why this need?

The answer to this question lies with the realization that human life is finite and the existential death anxiety that this evokes. We all are born into a closed and secured space from which there is but one mode of departure-death. Thus, the fundamental, existential ground rule of life is that it is followed by death.

Under stressful conditions, the human mind tends to create unconscious delusions. The most prevalent of these mistaken beliefs goes like this: "If I can violate a ground rule, I can violate the existential ground rule that death follows life."

There are many surface ill-won gains from frame violations as seen in stealing, cheating, and such. But on the deepest level, the gain most sought for is the illusion of personal immortality. As a result, there is a hidden dread of ideal or secured frames, despite their many salutary effects, and a hidden preference for frame violations, despite the harm they cause. By evolved design, the human emotion-processing mind has many detrimental features which can be corrected only through judicious use of trigger decoding.

Some Illustrations

A therapist is late to a session. Consciously, the patient excuses the therapist in light of his busy schedule, but then goes on to tell the story of how his father is never on time for appointments-he's really a destructive idiot.

(Here we see the conscious acceptance of a frame violation and an encoded deep unconscious appreciation of its destructiveness.)

A therapist accepts a call from an adolescent patient's mother. The patient says she didn't mind the contact, it was helpful to her. But she then tells a story in which her aunt (her mother's sister) went to school to talk to her daughter's teacher, after which the teacher got really nasty with her cousin-the mother had no right to interfere and only made matters worse.

(Here we see again that the deep unconscious view of frame impingements is the very opposite of the conscious view. For this reason, the need for healthy frames is satisfied only when trigger decoding is used to evaluate a ground rule-related event so that frames are properly secured.)

A mother confides in her daughter that her father is sexually involved with his secretary at work. The child is glad her mother confided in her, but then dreams that the devil comes to tell her that her father is going to die.

(The dream image stands in contrast to the daughter's conscious reaction - the mother is encoded as being the devil with a death - related message.)

The conscious mind tends to look away from rules, frames and boundaries, so its well to strive to develop a sensitivity to this aspect of emotional life.

The conscious mind also is inclined to engage in harmful violations of rules and boundaries, so it's well to trigger decode themes in light of frame issues and to strive for secured frames. Secured frames are a health-giving gift, modified frames are harmful despite their allure. Seek secured frames whenever humanly possible and reject compromised frames as much as you can.

Suggested Readings:

1. Rating Your Psychotherapist: The Search for Effective Cure. New York: Henry Holt, 1989. (Also a Ballantine paperback)
2. Take Charge of Your Emotional Life. New York: Henry Holt, 1991.
3. Empowered Psychotherapy. London: Karnac Books, 1993.
4. The Evolution of the Emotion-processing Mind: With an Introduction to Mental Darwinism. London: Karnac Books, 1996. (Also International Universities Press)
5. Death Anxiety and Clinical Practice. London: Karnac Books. 1997.
6. Rules, Frames and Boundaries in Psychotherapy and Counselling. London: Karnac Books, 1998.
7. Dreams and Emotional Adaptation. Zeig, Tucker, 1999.
8. Freud's Bird of Prey (A Play in Two Acts). Zeig, Tucker, 2000.
   

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